True north? Maybe not…

As soon as the sun begins to shine and the snow stops falling, my job requires that I am on the road visiting farmers. I love this part of the year…and I loath it. There are two fundamental truths I have discovered over the last few weeks:

1. I live in an amazingly beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful area of the country.
2. Despite printing up and following directions, I will get lost.

I told this to the Lemon Drop yesterday afternoon as I asked him to talk me out of the maze of back roads I was on in Rensselaer County. He just laughed and laughed. What makes the entire experience even more funny is that I have a master’s degree in geography.

It isn’t my fault though…

Sure, I have no sense of direction and I second guess any kind of instructions no matter how simple or exact. No, the problem is not on my end, it is with the directions themselves.

Why take me down six back roads when I could easily take a main route the entire way and then a left onto the desired street? Why aren’t roads marked? Or signs twisted so you think you are on the correct road only to realize 3.7 miles later you actually aren’t?

The only thing going for me is that I am not required to find my way around at night. I once had a 1.9 mile night-time journey take me an hour and a half because I missed the one and only left turn I had to make. Yes, a GPS would make my life simpler and my bitching wane, but I don’t think about it until I’m in the middle of nowhere on mile 4.2 when I was supposed to find Barton Road at the 1.6 mile mark. And I’ll forget about everything by the time I hit the road again on Friday.

My faults are many, I’ll admit. I have a problem with any kind of authority (shocker, I know). And I don’t like having to hand control over to anyone or anything (even directions) – I’ll do it, but grudgingly and I am always poised to snatch that control back at the slightest moment of weakness (huh, maybe that’s my issue with men?).

Is that why I keep getting lost? I don’t know and I’m not convinced. I still think Google Maps has it out for me.

A whole new world

I have become completely aware the last few weeks that there is a parallel universe going on right in front of my eyes. No, I have not been adding a new brand of “mushroom” to my dinners. And no, I don’t think that anyone (or anything) from this new world is out to get me. The truth is that my discovery isn’t all that revolutionary or frightening. Well, actually it is a little frightening. You see, I have realized that men live in a completely different world than women. A parallel universe where language, perception and customs are based on some unquestioned, unchallenged and immovable truths or “rules.”

Like I said not revolutionary. In fact, perhaps the fact that I am 35 and up to this point thought that men and women shared the same spacial plane is overly naive. But now everything – all the confusion, frustration, mis-communication, chaos, heartache and irritation makes sense. When I thought my words and actions were completely clear the male of the species has either heard the “wha wha wha” of Charlie Brown’s teacher or failed to recognize my actions because it would have required them to adapt their behavior.

I, social scientist hat firmly planted on my head, decided to gather data from carefully selected test subjects. (I walked around and asked random guys in the warehouse questions.) Following are some of the key rules of reality in the “other world.”

Rule #1: The man does not adapt, adjust or accommodate unless a more powerful male is involved. If adaptation or accommodation is required the result is grumbling and plotting to overthrow.

Note: Rule #1 for women, something taught from our earliest days is that we must accommodate, putting others’ needs and preferences first.

This researcher has historically parked to the left of Subject A setting up an established behavioral norm. On the test day, I arrived early and parked in Subject A’s actual parking space. Subject A arrived moments later and parked to my right. The three following cars (who usually park to the right of Subject A) followed suit parking in the established order, just one space over. The last male subject to arrive, however was unable to park in his customary order given lack of space, necessitating him to park out-of-order. The result caused irritation and mildly bad mood for the remainder of the work day.

 Rule #2: The man is the center of the universe.

Note: Subject B was given the task of organizing paperwork in a particular order. He was shown to a room with tables and chairs arranged in a circular formation and instructed that he could move the chairs out of the way for ease. Subject B moved one chair and climbed under the table, inserting himself into the center of the tables working from within the space instead of the directed outside. Noted the researcher conducting the experiment “It’s kind of terrifying. Men really think they are the center of the universe.”

Rule #3: Ease of the end action outweighs the complexity necessary prior. [Or the backing-in phenomena.]

Note: Observation of several subjects’ daily routines showed that roughly 20% of the cars in the test area backed-in to their spaces. An additional 40% were “pull throughs” and the remaining 40% of cars just pulled in. Given that roughly 40% of the workforce in the test area were male, an estimated 56% of the male demographic backed into their parking spaces.

A field study was conducted. Women were asked why they thought someone would back into their parking space, responses ranged from “so they don’t get leaves on their windshield” to “so they can prove they can.” Four men were asked the same question. Three answered “so I can pull out faster/easier.” (The fourth failed to respond due to a sudden, violent case of laughter.) What ensued was a complicated explanation regarding the change of gears and timeliness.

[To remain a distant observer, this researcher refrained from explaining that the “annoying” steps the subjects sited they were avoiding were actually practised to back-in to said spot.]

I realize that the current research into this new world has more antidotes than fact-based thus more field research and observation will be necessary. This fascinating “other” universe will keep me busy for some time.

And for something not farm related…

This weekend I’m off to Rally: The National Land Trust Conference sponsored by the Land Trust Alliance. I’ll be in Hartford for nearly a week working and going to workshops, my life will be land protection 24/7. I’m excited, but I’m also very worried about the state of my car.

This concern brought me to the decision to rent a car from Enterprise. Yesterday morning (9:00 am) I checked the price of an intermmediate sized car (as there will be three of us with luggage and other items). I was extatic to think the price for the week would only be $246, but not ready to commit. At 12:15 the price had jumped up to $275 and in the matter of the next thirty minutes it jumped up to $305 and then back to $275.

Frustrated and annoyed, I got on the phone with Enterprise’s customer service. Here is an unknown reality of renting a car, they may say rates are subject to change but they don’t say that those changes can happen in the matter of mere minutes. The price of a rental goes up as more cars are rented from the particular lot. Thus the price at 9 am was lower than the price at 12 pm because cars had been rented.

I was furious and they just plainly kept telling me too damn bad and that it is best to book a car when you see a good price as  you can always cancel it later. And so went my afternoon. I booked the car from Bennington for $275, but kept thinking about the situation. I then looked at the Amsterdam Enterprise and found the same car cost only $225.

A life lesson learned. An annoying afternoon. And I guess the best possible outcome because I got the car cheaper than I’d initially expected…but I still think their system is illogical and un-ethical, thank goodness I only rent a car every three years or so.