I have a super power…

Really, it’s true. I’ve just discovered this particularly peculiar power and am, honestly, a little puzzled by it. I’m not exactly sure if it’s a super power that will lead to good or evil. My gut says the latter since it usually leaves a wake of destruction. My power can run havoc, destroy, spread fear and cause flight. What could cause so much harm? What power do I, a pretty unassuming, normal (yes, I know that’s up for debate) person have?

I am the keeper of questions. I have the undeniable ability to ask the one, perfectly benign question that manifests the deepest fears in a man and causes him to run in the opposite direction. Maybe question is the wrong word..request is probably more accurate.This power is wielded again and again, causing men to flee and a bewildered self standing behind wondering “What was wrong with that question/request?”

I bet you I could get a guy to run away just by asking for him to pass the salt. I have had a man run away when I asked for a ride on his motorcycle…or ride away as it were.

My male friends tell me that I should just ask out a passing guy who catches my fancy. What in my experience shows that this is a good idea? There are many examples I could site that would back-up my point but I am going to espouse on only one or two:

1. I once dated a boy, a farmer boy. It was spring and planting was about to get underway. This meant long days in a tractor and exhausted nights. It also meant that I would likely not see him for four to six weeks. We would, however, be speaking on the phone. During one of these conversations I first explained how I understood that our schedules were about to get complicated. I then made this request: “Since we won’t see much of each other for the next month or so do you think that you maybe could tell me every once-in-a-while that you miss me or think that I’m pretty?”

The response was not what I expected. I expected a resigned sigh and a rather unconvincing “Yeah, sure.” Instead I got an “I think we need to talk.” And then, through a rather mind scrambling conversation the famous break-up line. “The truth is, I’ve realized that I love my tractor more than I like you.” Now, I know that wasn’t the real reason, it was a manifestation of whatever really bothered him…whatever that was.

2. More recently I asked a very good friend to help me out. I needed a distraction. I needed a laugh. I needed a friend. He said yes, then cancelled (via text) an hour after he planned to stop by. It’s been a week and not a word. And you know why? Because I asked in that moment of emotional turmoil for the same thing I have given him many times over – a little support. But he cannot give support. It is his weakness and I hadn’t realized it until I’d asked the question and he ran for the hills.

So here is my question (for the universe, for you): If I am told that I am too strong, too capable, too confident, too independent…If I attempt to not count solely upon myself and show a bit of vulnerability by asking for assistance or support or reassurance in response…And for that I am rewarded by the male of the species running or doing the typical manly “no” (not responding at all)…or worse…Then what have I learned? How am I softer or more open?

What does the data show?

The data shows that the men closest to me – my friends, my family, my love interests – cannot be trusted with a piece of my heart so why should I trust in someone I barely know?

You don’t actually have to answer the question. I’ve been wracking my brains for years regarding it and still don’t have the answer.


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