A few thoughts on dating a farmer

I spent my first weekend at the farmer boy’s apartment. He did very well and did the two things I had requested – clean the bathroom and put fresh sheets on the bed – but I knew that the place would look more like a rest-stop than a place to rest and recharge. Case in point, his boots…the man has six pairs of barn boots strewn across the apartment like a maze, he calls it his “security system.”

And so, as I leave to go home for the week, here are a few thoughts on what is in store when you date a farmer:

  1. Be prepared for unexpected compliments like “You remind me of a show cow I once had…”
  2. Always make a meal that tastes just as good reheated in the microwave as it did three hours before when it came out of the oven – when you were supposed to have dinner.
  3. Brace yourself for dirty talk like “Man I stink! The manure spreader broke and I had to climb in and shovel everything out by hand.”
  4. And realize that suave isn’t a word in the farmer’s dictionary. Case in point “I’m as horny as a three legged billy goat.”
  5. When on a date, try to mix sex appeal with practicality – wear the high heals and park the barn boots in the back seat. You never know when a romantic night out may end with pulling a calf by moonlight.
  6. Assume that “you look funny” means “man, I love that blouse you spent an hour picking out.”
  7. Realize they think you look best in jeans, a pony tail and one of their dingy hoodies.
  8. That the farmers dating calendar (see previous post) is a rule not an exception.
  9. And the only time you’ll see them during planting is if you learn how to perch on the arm rest of your farmer boy’s tractor – No, that isn’t a euphemism for something naughty.
  10. When he doesn’t talk he’s tired. When he’s frustrated he doesn’t stop talking. Your job is to alternately fill in the gaps or nod your head.
  11. They talk in code – 4020 this, tedder  that and shama lama ding dong – either you nod like you know what the hell they are talking about or you ask them. If you ask, be prepared for more code…sometimes it’s just easier to nod.
  12. Like all men they are clueless, you have to tell them why comparing you to a heifer or saying that you look funny isn’t the best option, especially if they feel like a three legged billy goat and are hoping for a roll in the hay.
  13. Unlike other men they will try not to repeat their past mistakes – but understand there is a minefield of farmer faux pas just waiting ahead and they will say something stupid.
  14. They will hold you closer and tighter and with more affection than any other man you’ve ever known.
  15. Rough hands make gentle work.
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17 Comments

Filed under Basics, Day to day

17 responses to “A few thoughts on dating a farmer

  1. jennifer

    OMG…I am beginning to realize how true these statements are…LOL…except the farmer I am dating doesn’t have animals…Thank goodness 🙂

  2. Reblogged this on The New Farmer's Blog and commented:

    Something old, but still popular and – since it is planting and hay season – still appropriate…

  3. You got it sister, spot on!

  4. steff

    I just started dating a farmer and boy is this all ever true!

  5. Thank you for reading. No matter how many times I read this, it still holds true. Boys will be boys and farmer boys are a creature all untot themsellves!

  6. fiona

    hahaha this is soooooooo true, been seeing a guy for 6 months and just getting used to the lingo 🙂

  7. We really enjoyed your blog post and would love to link up. Please email heather@muddymatches.co.uk to discuss. Thanks, Heather.

  8. Pingback: Muddy Matches and exciting Friday nights | The New Farmer's Blog

  9. Pingback: The New Farmer's Blog: "Muddy Matches and exciting Friday nights" | Muddy Matches Press Coverage

  10. Jennifer

    Oh my gosh I’ve recently started dating a farmer and this is all so true! Just the other day we spoke about me ‘calving’ when I had my daughter. lol

  11. Pingback: Breaking ground | The New Farmer's Blog

  12. Someone just told me about this post and commented on how we were on a similar theme – I guess farmers aren’t that different the world over. – this is my post if you are interested 🙂 http://irishfarmerette.com/2012/09/12/advice-to-those-considering-marrying-farmers/

  13. Pingback: 14 Tips for Dating a FarmHER or RancHER - The Beef Jar

  14. Pingback: 5 benefits of a Farmers Dating Site - From Venus

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